Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Doorbell ringer

WARNING!  If someone comes to your door telling you they are from the government and they're checking to see how bad the ticks are in your area, and then tell you to take off your clothes and dance around so they can check for ticks.... DON'T DO IT!!! This is a scam! They just want to see you naked! I wish someone had told me this yesterday, I feel so stupid.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Your participles are danglin', honey

I had the pleasure of reading several resumes this week. [sarcasm]
Some were better than others on the entertainment spectrum.  R U gettin' me?

Each person wanted feedback on their resume.  I gave them a link to this fabulous video:

Now, if only I could write the word 'weird' without having to 
first visualise it as "i before e" every time!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Poetic justice!

I was following this $70,000 SUV this morning and thought I'd take a pic.

The message on the back window is a little blurred. The acronym is G.R.E.A.T. which stands for
Gang Resistance Education And Training. It's a $70,000 SUV with tricked out wheels
(not seen in this shot), the kind pimps and drug dealers buy,
bright chrome wheels that keep spinning while you sit in traffic.

Friday, May 2, 2014

For cat lovers everywhere

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Just sayin'...

Monday, October 14, 2013

another day

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

Her husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.

Monday, December 28, 2009


It is overwhelming to keep up with all the technology out there, isn't it?  I have 90+ friends on facebook, 285 followers on Twitter and 5,897 subscribers on YouTube.  

Why doesn't somebody consolidate it all into one to make it easier???  

We could call it something like....

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

12 truths for adults


1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

4. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

5. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

6. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day..

7. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

8. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

9. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

11. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

12. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Lost 3 lbs. Will it find me again, that's the question!

Sooooo.... I was weighing myself today and I've lost 3 lbs.  

There's a website where you can fill in the blank with 
the weight number you've lost, right?  

And it will tell you what you lost in something other than lbs.  

Such as: "you lost the weight of a penquin" or "you lost the weight of a Suzuki".  

So I put my measly little 3 lbs in the blank and this is what I lost....